


We Fell From The Same Star

by IllegalCerebral



Series: CM Bingo 2019 [7]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Boss/Employee Relationship, Crime Scenes, Danger, Drinking & Talking, F/M, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Goodbyes, Meet the Family, Secret Relationship, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 13:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20193280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegalCerebral/pseuds/IllegalCerebral
Summary: Emily and Spencer have been through hell together over the years but something has changed and not all changes are bad. While they’re revelling in one particular change however, there are still more to come.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter in this series is another entry for the 2019 CM Bingo over on tumblr! This first chapter is "drinking in the office"

“It’s late.”

Emily glanced up at Spencer leaning in the doorway of her office. His obvious concern was masked with a playful smile and a warm feeling flooded her body causing her to hide her blush in the mountain of paperwork.

“It is,” she conceded “But these reports aren’t going to write themselves.”

This was becoming routine now. Not every night but frequently enough that they both knew the steps to this dance. Emily would stay late in the office, Spencer would check in on her on his way out the door and then he would stay. He always stayed. As much as Emily pressed for him to leave, to go out and enjoy his free time, he stayed with her and evoked something deep within her she was afraid to name.

* * *

Before she could stop him the pile was halved and he settled across from her. After all this time it was still impressive to see him scanning the pages at lightning speed, his pen flying across the paper.

“That’s against protocol,” Emily protested.

“You’re running yourself ragged.”

“So are you.” It came out as a childish whine rather than the authoritative statement Emily was hoping for. Spencer’s eyes flicked up at her and then returned to the page just as quickly, not stalling in his note taking.

“This will go faster if you carry on working too,” he smirked, “Unless this is a ploy to get me to do all your work?”

The words wouldn’t come to Emily, and her face was feeling hotter now so for the longest time she scribbled away furiously in silence, only periodically glancing up at Spencer.

Each look reminded her how much he had changed. He wasn’t the baby-faced agent that looked so out of place when she arrived. His face, his hair, his clothes were all different. Even the way he held himself now was new, with an easy confidence he had never possessed before. He wasn’t concerned about what people around him thought of him and it was obviously freeing.

And hot.

_Shut up Emily._

“You’re scowling.”

“What?”

“Everything okay?”

“Yes” Emily tried not to sound defensive. It didn’t really make any difference anyway, when he looked at her Emily always got the impression that he could read her thoughts, that every emotion and desire was projected on her face like a movie. Spencer never said anything and for that she was eternally grateful.

It wasn’t like she didn’t want anything to happen, far from it. It was more that it couldn’t happen. HR would have a fit, it would completely change the dynamic of the team, and if everything went wrong both their lives would implode.

_What if it went right though?_

Her stupid brain always asked that question in Spencer’s voice, like he was sitting close to her and whispering in her ear.

“I need a drink” Emily sighed. Spencer’s eyes sparkled with mischief and before Emily could even register he was gone he had reappeared with a bottle in one hand and two glasses in the other, “That’s Rossi’s!”

“He gave to me as a gift.”

“You don’t drink.”

“And I think he’s trying to change that” laughed Spencer as he poured bourbon into each glass and slid one towards her.

“Okay well this is definitely against protocol.”

“Hardly the first time.”

Emily swirled the amber liquid around the glass before taking a sip. The burning in her throat was a nice distraction from the ache in her chest. Spencer had moved round so he was perched on the desk beside her, looking down. He said nothing as he drained his glass, smirking at Emily’s raised eyebrow.

“Rough day?”

“Aren’t they all?” Spencer said it in a playful way but that didn’t stop the colour from draining from Emily’s face “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that the hours are long, we are almost constantly on the road, and the last couple of cases have been intense. I’m not going to start using drink as a coping mechanism though. Not when talking to you does way more to cheer me up anyway.”

Emily took another sip to cover up the fact that she couldn’t summon up an adequate response to that. Spencer had never talked much about his feelings before prison. After their conversation on the plane following his and Penelope’s abduction he had started doing it more. Passionate declarations burst forth from him more easily now but they were sporadic, only spoken in quiet rooms after difficult cases and moments of acute emotion. Emily frequently found herself on the receiving end over the next few months.

_I’ve never told you how important you are to me_

_I don’t know what I’d do without you_

_You’re very special Emily_

_I need you_

It was so close to an “I love you” and not a platonic or familial “I love you” either. It was close but it wasn’t the same and for some reason that made Emily sad.

“Smile” said Spencer softly, “It’s all going to be okay.”

“It is?”

His finger brushed her cheek so lightly she barely felt it. Despite resisting the urge she closed her eyes as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against her skin. A kiss on the cheek could mean anything and like every other time Spencer did it, she fought the urge to make it into something more than it was.

“It is,” Spencer hadn’t moved away and her breath tickled her neck “I promise it’s going to be okay”

Emily finally opened her eyes and turned. They were almost nose-to-nose. It felt like all this time she had been holding her breath but it was too dangerous to let it go.

“Why do you keep staying late with me?”

“Because I like being close to you. You make me feel safe.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you-“

“You didn’t!” exclaimed Emily, “I’m glad I make you feel safe”

The silence between them was heavy and Emily wasn’t sure she could take much more of this. Maybe it would be better to…

“Is that all I make you feel?”

For a question that held the potential for so much destruction it was incredibly liberating to ask. There were two ways this could go but even the worse case scenario was better than the endless not knowing, and the tension between them that was thick as tar.

Spencer didn’t answer straight away; he tilted his head to the side like he was considering some complex mathematical equation, breaking it down to its essential parts.

“You make me feel…hopeful” he began, “You make me feel like it’s worthwhile to imagine the future. You make me feel brave and smart-“

“You are smart,” Emily scoffed, “And brave.”

“But you make me feel like it’s okay to be smart,” said Spencer, “And you make me feel strong. I feel like I could withstand a bullet when I look at you”

“I’m not sure you realise how concerning that is Spencer,” frowned Emily. He laughed and began to twirl a stray lock of her hair around his finger.

“You make me feel hot and cold at the same time and like I’m buzzing with electricity. I want to run around the whole building burning it up so I don’t overload. You make me feel safe and secure and blissfully, overwhelmingly joyful just being around you.”

“Oh.”

“Oh” Spencer agreed, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah,” it came out more like a question than a statement and Emily looked up at Spencer through thick lashes, suddenly afraid she had offended him “I don’t know what to say.”

“How do I make you feel?” he asked in a low voice.

“Confused. Scared. Exhilarated. Reassured. Comforted. Excited. Sexy. Loved.” Emily swallowed “That is a lot for one person to feel all at once”

The only answer to that came in the form of a kiss to the forehead, then another on each cheek and then he hovered slightly over her lips as if waiting for permission.

Emily held his face in her hands and drew him towards her, it was slightly awkward due to her sitting position, but as the kiss intensified Spencer guided her to her feet, arms around her back, as close as two people could be.

“Someone could walk in here any moment” she said suddenly, drawing back but not enough to break the embrace, “No one wants to see the Unit Chief going at it with one of their team members”

“Is that how you picture this going?”

“Spencer!”

“I wouldn’t worry these walls have seen way worse. I walked in on Strauss and Rossi in his office once,” he added by way of explanation.

“Okay that’s a mood killer.”

“Seriously more traumatising than prison,” Spencer deadpanned. Emily let out a howl of laughter before clamping a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. Spencer snorted and for a good five minutes they stayed liked that, clinging to each other as the tears of laughter rolled down their faces.

“I’m never going to get that image out of my brain,” Emily wheezed.

“Imagine seeing it.”

“I’d prefer not to” Emily finally let go of him. Something flashed across Spencer’s face briefly before he rearranged his expression into a kind smile. “We should talk about what just happened.”

“Or we could kiss some more,” suggested Spencer.

“Is that what you want?”

“Among other things.”

“Among…like what?”

“Taking you out to dinner, maybe a movie? Then if that goes well maybe you come over to mine or I go over to yours. Maybe we stay over. Maybe we get tired of going back and forth and just decide to stay in the same place together. But I think starting with dinner would be best.”

Emily’s mouth fell open. Spencer suppressed a chuckle and cupped her face, thumb brushing across her cheek.

“If you don’t like that then we can go something else. I’m happy doing anything Emily as long as I can do it with you”

“When did you get so fucking suave?” Emily asked without thinking. She brought her hand up to lay over Spencer’s, frightened he was going to let go.

“Life is too short to run away from the things that make us happy” said Spencer “And you make me happy. I think I could make you happy too.”

“You do,” said Emily, “But I’m your boss.”

“I’ll quit.”

“You fought so hard to get reinstated! Then when the team was split up you fought so hard to bring us back together.”

“To prove a point,” shrugged Spencer, “I deserved to be reinstated and have the bureau recognise I was innocent and Barnes deserved what she got for trying to split up the team. If I have to change careers to be with you Emily I’m willing to do that.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Spencer said, kissing her again “I love you.”

“Oh.”

“We need to work on your reactions.”

“I love you too. Is that better?”

“Much.”

“This could change everything,” Emily warned

“Good” Spencer rested his chin on top of her head as he stroked Emily’s hair “Change is the natural order of things. Everything that doesn’t change dies.”

“Don’t tell Garcia that.”

“Garcia gave me handkerchiefs for Christmas last year that had “Dr Spencer Prentiss” embroidered on them. She’ll be fine.”

That was way too much to process on top of everything else so Emily filed it away for later. Instead she slipped out of Spencer’s embrace and shoved all the papers into her bag before grabbing Spencer’s hand.

“Dinner sounds great but right now I want to skip to the part where you come over to mine and then you maybe stay?”

“Whatever you want Emily.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the "meet the parents entry" for CM Bingo!

“You’re fidgeting” Spencer leaned back in the car seat, one arm propped on the open window. “You know there’s nothing to be nervous of right? You’ve met my mother before”

“Last time wasn’t under the best circumstances” said Emily, “And I was your boss then not your…girlfriend” The word still sounded weird in her mouth when she applied it to herself. Herself and Spencer. Her boyfriend. Her boyfriend Spencer Reid.

“She already respects and admires you,” said Spencer, “I’ve already explained that we’re dating. I phoned her last week and she was having a good day so I told her. She was bowled over Emily”

Some of the anxiety ebbed away a little at that.

“I just want her to like me”

“I love you, so she’ll love you” said Spencer firmly, “And that’s that”

“You get awfully bossy when we’re out of the office”

“You love it”

Emily let out a barking laugh but he was right. It wasn’t that she liked being bossed around but she loved not being treated like a Unit Chief when they were together. Instead he treated her like the best friend he had fallen in love with and when Emily had weeks like the one she’d just had, that’s what she needed more than anything else.

“My second order of the day is no thinking about work,” said Spencer. It was like he could read her mind.

“I’m trying but it’s such a massive upheaval and I’m just concerned that the team has been through so much”

Linda Barnes had ruffled one too many feathers and been rewarded with an AD position somewhere she could do less damage. It was almost purely for the optics ironically but it did mean that Matt Cruz was in line to be the new Assistant Director of National Security, which would in turn leave the position of Section Chief open.

“Do you want the job?”

“It’s not that easy Spencer” Emily sighed, “I’m honestly not sure. What I do want is to impress your Mom this weekend and get to know her a little better”

“Then we forget the rest for now” he smiled back at her.

The rest of the drive passed in peaceful silence until they pulled up at Bennington. The tension grew again slightly and this time Emily could detect it in the tightened grip of Spencer’s hand and the slight hesitation of his steps.

“Diana’s having a good day” an especially smiley nurse told them as she led them to a room that overlooked the sprawling gardens, “She’s been so excited that you guys are coming, she’s been talking about it non-stop all morning”

Emily had no idea how to respond to that. Neither did Spencer, judging by his silence. His hand fell away as he approached a high backed chair.

“Mom?”

“Spencer!” Emily swore Diana hadn’t been that frail when she had last seen her. She had dropped by the FBI safe house after being discharged (she’d threatened the doctors) from hospital after Scratch. Diana had seemed so sturdy then. Now it looked like Spencer would snap her if he hugged too tight. It didn’t stop him though, he pulled Diana close and buried face in the crook of her neck, mumbling something that Emily couldn’t hear.

All of a sudden she felt terribly out of place. Her hands tightened around the bouquet of yellow roses she’d insisted on buying, the thorns biting her fingers.

“Emily!” Diana released Spencer and held her arms open wide. She may have been more fragile that when Emily last saw her but here she was definitely more herself. The abduction had taken a massive toll and Diana hadn’t known where or who she was at the safe house. The look on Spencer’s face as he had tried to reassure his mother had broken Emily’s heart.

“Hi Diana” Emily stepped into an awkward, one-armed hug so as to save the flowers “These are for you”

“You know yellow flowers symbolise friendship” Diana beamed, “This one knows how to impress, Spencer. Well done”

Spencer blushed at the theatrical wink but there was a proud smile on his face as he took Emily’s hand and the three of them settled down.

Asking how Diana was seemed like a double-edged sword and talking about their work at the bureau might trigger something unfortunate. Not to mention it was the last thing that Emily wanted to dwell on at that moment. Instead Diana interrogated Spencer on what he was reading, Emily chimed in with her own suggestions, and Diana regaled them with stories about the other residents at the trips that the staff was taking her on. It wasn’t climbing the Grand Canyon, she wasn’t capable of that any more, but they took her to the local farmers’ market, a museum, and a concert specifically for people with dementia and Alzheimer’s.

“You liked that?” Spencer asked.

“Oh it was wonderful. The violinist was a genius. You would have loved it! Do you like music Emily?”

“I love seeing people play live,” said Emily, “I used to see bands and singers and orchestras all the time when I was in college but not so much anymore”

“Spencer you should take her to see things” Diana scolded, “Music is the food of love after all”

“We should,” said Spencer, “We’ve never gone and seen anything. I just assumed you’d want to see rock and metal bands and I have no idea about any of that”

“Something Spencer Reid doesn’t know” Emily’s lips quirked into a smile “How about that? Though for the record I like all different types of music.”

“Never make assumption Spencer, even about the people you love. They’ll always surprise you” Diana settled back in her seat.

“Yes Ma’am” The warmth in his voice was almost soothing to listen to and there was something about the way Spencer looked at Diana that made Emily wish she had a better relationship with her own mother. In another way it made her so much gladder that she had him.

Before any of them knew it, visiting time was over. The hug Spencer and Diana shared was even longer and tighter this time. When it was Emily’s turn Diana pulled her close and whispered to her.

“He’s going to be okay isn’t he?”

“He is. I promise”

Spencer hadn’t heard. They promised to come back the next day and if was a good day they would take her out for a drive. No one mentioned the possibility of it being a bad day.

The drive back to the hotel was subdued.

“You okay?”

“Yeah it’s just… she was having a good day and I’m so grateful for that because I know how much she wanted to see you but it reminds me that there are going to be less and less good days from now on” sighed Spencer.

Emily opened and then closed her mouth. For a moment she studied the road in front of them, the blur of the surroundings outside the car.

“I know there isn’t much I can say to comfort you” she said slowly, “But I think you just have to savour the good days while she still has them”

“I know but…”

“If…if it’s easier to do that away from the bureau…” Emily trailed off, she wanted to make it clear she wasn’t saying “away from me” but it felt a little like the two went hand in hand. Spencer swallowed.

“I don’t want to lose you”

“You won’t I promise!” said Emily, “I will support you no matter what and we can make it work. We’ve dealt with tougher situations”

“That’s an understatement. It’s just…I don’t know what to do”

There was a lot of that going round, Emily thought, and it was too much to hope that the answer would drop from the sky. Instead she just rested her hand on Spencer’s arm, giving it a gentle squeeze. All they could do was be there for each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's CM Bingo entry was "golf course"

On his list of top ten things Spencer Reid was never, ever going to do again, going to a swanky party at a golf club where the finger food cost as much as a month’s rent had shot straight to the top, bypassing even prison and being Derek’s wingman.

He looked around frantically for Emily, as he pressed closer to the wall, a full glass of champagne clasped in his hand. Ambassador Prentiss was holding court by the bar and occasionally her disapproving gaze would flick over to him, making him squirm. The woman could force anyone into submission with a mere quirk of an eyebrow.

Her husband was a different matter. Emily’s father was at the bar where he had been all night hitting on a stream of barely legal young women as he downed drink after drink. Whereas the Ambassador had given Spencer a thorough interrogation upon arrival Mr Prentiss had scarcely looked his way and offered nothing more than a perfunctory hello.

No wonder Emily hated these things.

Speaking of which, Emily had been talking with her mother an hour ago and then she had disappeared. Several laps of the rooms told Spencer she had escaped somewhere and he’d have been mad except for the whispered argument between her parents that he’s witnessed. There was something sickeningly familiar about that and he knew the feelings that could bring up so he let Emily fly off to find whatever respite she needed. That being said Spencer wasn’t sure he could take the awkwardness anymore so he wove through the thickening crowd until he made it outside into the fresh night air.

There was no one playing, it was far too dark, so Emily was alone on the green twirling in circles so her dress swished out around her. Two empty wine bottles stood by her. Seeing Spencer, Emily tried to right herself but ended up stumbling into his arms.

“My hero” she snorted before pecking him on the corner of his mouth.

“You doing okay?”

“Ye-no. I mean yeah. I mean-“

“I think we should go in and get you some water,” said Spencer.

“No! God no, I never wanna go back in there”

“Did something happen?” Spencer held Emily’s shoulders, tilting back gently to look in the eye. Emily in response tried to look everywhere else. “Emily?”

“My Mom heard about the promotion”

“Okay” Spencer relaxed his hold slightly and pulled Emily back towards him, resting his chin on her head.

“She’s so proud” Emily, half spat “She started saying all this stuff about how it’s so great for our family and how she knows how great I’ll be at it and…and…”

“And her approval makes you feel uncomfortable?” finished Spencer. Emily sighed, leaning further into Spencer’s embrace. For a moment they just stood there. There were few stars visible but the clouds were light enough that the moon could shine through, full and bright.

“This is going to sound really stupid so don’t laugh” Emily’s voice was muffled as she buried her face deeper in Spencer’s chest. He closed his eyes and brought his hand up to card through Emily’s hair, his other hand keeping her steady against him.

“I promise”

“I feel like her approval means that I…might be like her” Emily’s voice was tiny and thin. How had he missed that? Spencer scolded himself.

“I understand the logic…kind of” Spence began slowly, “But you’ve been dealing with the politics of the Unit Chief position for a couple of years now and you’ve been doing it on your terms not your mother’s. Look at how you dealt with Barnes. That was textbook Emily Prentiss. You saved a girl’s life, reassembled the team and got Barnes to back off once and for all. That’s not even counting how it got her on the radar of the higher ups and stopped her doing the same thing to any other team. You did all of that without resorting to dirty tricks or favours”

Emily blinked up at him.

“Do you want me to go on? The strengths of Emily Prentiss is an area of expertise for me”

Emily nuzzled into his chest.

“Just keep holding me” she whispered “I wanna stay like this forever”

“On the golf course”

Emily snorted.

“You really hate it here don’t you?”

Yes but he thought it would make Emily happy, or at least stop her being too unhappy in the company of her parents for the whole evening. It was pointless to lie to her and Spencer struggled to find anything else to say.

“I’m not sure you’re parents are impressed with me” said Spencer, and he immediately regretted it.

“You remind my father what an inadequate excuse for a man he is” Emily said tonelessly “My mother…thinks I’m too old for you”

“What?” Spencer scrunched up his face in bemusement. If Emily hadn’t felt so miserable (and drunk) she might have found that cute.

“She called you a toy boy. Spencer don’t laugh, it’s not funny!”

“Yes it is, it’s hilarious. I’m nearly forty”

“I’m nearly fifty!”

“So we’re both middle aged! Oh god! Toy boy…”

Emily bit her lip. It was kind of ridiculous. Maybe she’d believed it because Spencer had always been ‘the kid’ of the BAU for so long. It wasn’t really until Derek had left and there were enough new members that his first few years in bureau had faded from the collective memory. Even Garcia didn’t treat him like her baby brother anymore.

“See” Spencer grinned as Emily suppressed a chuckle “It is funny. Ignore your Mom. You know what our relationship means, you know what your job means. You know who you are” He kissed the top of her head once more and the last remnants of tension seemed to leave Emily’s body.

“And the job offer?”

“I will support you whatever you do,” promised Spencer, “But it has to be your choice and no one else’s”

“Deal” said Emily as she reluctantly disentangled herself from his embrace. “I think we should go home’  
“Thank God”

As they headed back inside they were greeted by a disapproving look from Ambassador Prentiss.

“If I’d known the pair of you where going to spend most of the evening hiding I wouldn’t have invited you” she sniffed.

“Sorry Mom, we just needed to have a quickie on the golf course” Emily smiled sweetly as Spencer made a noise somewhere between a cough and a gasp, “Spencer gets cranky if his needs aren’t met regularly”

To Spencer’s eternal gratitude the Ambassador didn’t even deign to look at him as he slowly grew hotter and hotter. Instead she just looked disappointedly at Emily.

“I really thought you were changing Emily” she sighed, “I thought you had put these ridiculous acts of rebellion behind you”

“Never” said Emily, “That’s what makes me so good at my job”

“And an amazing partner” chimed in Spencer, “Romantically, lovingly I mean. Not-“ Ambassador Prentiss silenced him with one look.

“Emily” she said, turning back, “If you continue with this-“

“By ‘this’ do you mean living and being happy? Because yeah I’m continuing with ‘this’”

Before her mother could respond, Emily strode from the room, Spencer following her.

“Quickie on the golf course?” Spencer asked weakly as he started up the car.

“We should have” said Emily, “They use this fancy imported fertiliser that makes the grass super soft, and since you refuse to have sex on the beach under the stars…”

“The amount of trash on our beaches along with the multitude of diseases that seagull faeces carry-“

“Yeah okay I’ll give you that” Emily patted him on the arm, “The look on her face was brilliant though”

“You know I’ll never be able to talk to her again,” said Spencer.

“Sometime we just have to let people go” Emily closed her eyes, “Even when we love them. We should get married”

Spencer blinked. He must have misheard.

“Married?”

“Yeah married” Emily opened her eyes “If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you anyway we should get married. Only if you want to I mean?”

“I do” Spencer grinned, “I really do”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter's CM Bingo trope is "each think the other is dead"

Thick smoke clawed at Emily’s throat and stung her eyes. In the distance there were gunshots but she couldn’t discern the direction. The explosion had come from the other end of the compound.

_Spencer._

He, Matt and Tara had headed that way because there were reports that women and children were being held there. The whole thing was horrifying but the only thought running through her mind was that Spencer could be dead.

“Prentiss!”

“Emily? Emily where are you?”

What would she do if he hadn’t made it? The thought of him not being there any more was inconceivable. Is this what people meant when they talked about soul mates? Someone feeling like they are part of you mind, body, and soul?

“Prentiss?”

Emily whipped around at the sound of Luke’s voice.

“Here” she coughed. Rough hands dragged her through the smoke.

“Where’s Spencer?”

“We need to get you out of here!”

The smoke and stone floors gave way to fresh air and soft grass but it was still dark apart from the sirens and Emily’s eyes streamed from the tears so all she could see were red blurs.

“Where’s Spencer?” she shouted, the words clawing their way out of her throat.

“You need to get to an EMT,” said JJ

“I need Spencer!” Emily shouted. At least she could be grateful that her temporary blindness stopped her from seeing the look that was being passed around now.

“We’re not sure,” said Rossi, quietly, “the back of the compound is…”

“What?”

“It’s gone,” said Luke, “the explosion brought the whole thing down”

***

The most immediate sensation Spencer felt was of not being able to move. Or rather he could move but not very far. Fingers and toes wiggled at his command and he could shuffle his right arm up to a point until it met a strange resistance. Also his face felt strange.

A voice was saying something but it was muffled.

Why was he here? What had he been doing?

Then everything came into focus and the sour panic of realising he was trapped clashed with a cold dread that Emily was out there somewhere possibly in danger and he couldn’t do anything. Then came the throbbing inside his skull and wet pain in his left arm.

“Can anyone hear me?”

The ground swallowed Spencer’s shout. Oh god he might be alone.

Emily might be alone.

For the life of him Spencer couldn’t remember what her orders had been. Emily hadn’t been with him. Matt and Tara had. Where were they?

_I’m not dying here. No way_

Spitting the dirt from his mouth Spencer turned his head and tried calling again. Then again. Then again.

Rumbling somewhere above him fed the flicker of hope in his chest. It could be voices. It could be a rescue then he could go and find Emily and maybe everything was okay.

Spencer shouted over and over till his throat was raw and he didn’t even acknowledge the slight ease of pressure on his back until a cool breeze filtered downwards. Help. Help was coming.

“We’re here!” Tara yelled, “Don’t move okay? We’re coming to get you”

As the last piece of rubble was lifted and gentle hands manoeuvred him onto a board, Spencer sent a prayer of thanks out into the universe. The thought almost made him laugh in relief until the spasm of pain shot through him.

An EMT slipped a collar round his neck so he couldn’t look at his teammates. He could feel their hesitation when he asked about the rest of the team though. The silence was thick.

“Let’s get you to hospital” Matt began. Spencer was moving, the stars above rolling as the EMT’s carried him closer to the flashing lights of the ambulance.

“No I need to know Emily is okay”

“Reid-“

“Please just tell me!”

“There were gunshots on the other side of the compound and we’ve tried radioing them but…” Tara trailed off.

“I’m not going anywhere until I know that Emily is okay” snapped Spencer. It was laughable really. In addition to the brace on his neck and the arm currently strapped across his chest, one leg was throbbing with pain while the other one felt numb. There was no way he was getting out of this and running off to find Emily.

“I’m sure they’re okay,” Tara said in her doctor voice.

“If she gets hurts I don’t know what I’ll do,” mumbled Spencer.

“Emily?”

“If she dies then I might as well have died too”

***

“You’re both in a lot of trouble” Rossi’s voice drifted out of the haze of the anaesthetic.

“Is it bad that I don’t care?” Emily responded. The familiar sensation of her hand in Spencer’s made him want to weep with joy even if his body was struggling to catch up with his brain as he returned to consciousness.

“Nah” said Rossi, “I think it’s the opposite. But you are probably going to have a lot of explaining to do with the brass.”

“Bring it on” Spencer croaked. Emily flashed him a watery smile “You look terrible”

Rossi snorted while Emily’s expression flitted between relieved and insulted.

“You should look in a mirror” she sniffed, “Or maybe not. It might set back your recovery”

The laugh that bubbled out of Spencer turned into a groan as pain blossomed across his abdomen.

“I thought I lost you,” he hissed.

“Same”

“I’m going to leave you two to be all mushy and disgusting,” said Rossi, “I promised I’d let the team know when you were awake”

For a moment after Rossi left they both sat in silence. Emily’s eyes roamed over the mess of injuries Spencer had suffered and for his part he was trying to work out what exactly he should say. There had to be some magic word to make this whole thing better.

“I quit”

Emily dragged her gaze away from the cast around Spencer’s wrist.

“I quit,” he repeated, a small smile playing on his lips, “Don’t even think about trying to talk me out of it”

“The team needs you” Emily squeezed her eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling. Once she started she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stop. It was kind of like freefalling, Emily thought, all she was waiting for was the crash to earth.

“The team needs you more” Spencer argued, “And the Bureau needs its star agent. You’re going to go for the Section Chief job because you want it and because you’re the best-qualified person. I’m going to quietly accept a teaching position so our…fraternization doesn’t jeopardy that” he held up his uninjured hand to stop Emily from replying “But mostly I’m going to do it because I am determined that this is going to be the last time an Unsub hurts me. I mean it, I can’t take this anymore”

“I can’t be the reason you quit the FBI, not after everything you’ve survived”

“Emily” Spencer closed his eyes and her name sounded like a prayer on his lips “I don’t want to survive anymore. I want to live. I want to go to sleep every night and wake up every morning next to you. I want to mark papers on the sofa next to you while you write reports and we both drink wine. I want to foster children and go to baseball games and stick their pictures on our fridge. I want another cat. I want Halloween and Christmas and birthdays with you”

Not a crash to earth then, more of an embrace or a homecoming coming though the impact was just as intense. Emily didn’t have the words to speak; she just nodded because she wanted all that too and she wanted it with him more than she thought it was possible.

So rather than speaking she took his hand, stroking the back with her thumb until he drifted off to sleep and tried to figure out how they were going to tell the others.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this final chapter has the CM Bingo prompt "goodbye letters"

“I got it”

Spencer leaned back in his chair, a small smile on his face. Emily hovered in the doorway as if waiting for permission to enter. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold winter air but her hands were shaking from something else.

“I knew you would” he said, “Why do you look so sad?”

Emily sat down on the sofa, seemingly taking a while to get comfortable but Spencer knew she was playing for time.

“I’m not sad,” she said finally, “I…regret the fact that it comes at the cost of your position at the BAU”

“I’m actually looking forward to teaching, I’ve told you this. I am looking forward to not being shot at even more”

“I’ve split our family up”

There was no easy response to that. It wasn’t true by any means but saying that wouldn’t assuage the guilt and grief Spencer knew Emily was holding inside her. He knew because it was inside him too. For over a decade the unit had been the framework of both their lives. Even when Emily had left for London she had carried them with her and they had kept the essence of her with them. When Spencer had been in prison he still considered himself part of them team. It was more than a job it was an integral part of their lives and now that was coming to an end.

Spencer stood up and made his way to her, taking her hands in his and pulling Emily to her feet. Her eyes were watery and Spencer could feel the tension in her grip.

“You know better than anyone that things change. They _need _to change. We can’t stay in one place our entire lives. This was always going to happen, it was just a matter of time. I know you think this is all down to you but it was inevitable and I honestly think it’s better that it happens this way rather than us all being slowly pushed out over years and years”

“Are you, Spencer Reid, really saying that change can be good?” There was a slight wobble in Emily voice but also a tinge of relief or something similar.

“As crazy as that seems I am”

She fell into his arms, burying her face in the thick cardigan. No tears came but she held on tightly.

It would all be okay. It would hurt, god would it hurt, but even good things could be painful sometimes.

***  
  
Emily fell asleep on the sofa after hours of embracing and saying nothing. Spencer wasn’t naïve enough to think he had totally banished all her fears and misgivings. Nothing but time and new challenges could do that.

For now he turned his attention back to the stack of envelopes in front of him. Each one had a name scrawled on it in thick black ink. Jennifer Jareau. David Rossi. Penelope Garcia. Luke Alvez. Tara Lewis. Matt Simmons.

Then to the side there were two more. Derek Morgan. Aaron Hotchner. Spencer still wasn’t entire sure what he was going to put in those but he was overwhelmed by the feeling that _something_had to go in them. Not an apology or a justification but perhaps an explanation and maybe even thanks.

Penelope’s letter would be the hardest to write. She was the only person in the world who hated change more than he did. Despite that she understood why Derek left and Spencer knew she would understand his reasons. They had been abducted together, seen each other at their most vulnerable. If anyone knew the fear that could be experienced in this job it was she. That wouldn’t make it easier however. Like Emily, Penelope would blame herself and she was also the one who first took to calling them a family so the splitting of that would hit her the hardest.

Rossi would get it. Spencer didn’t even think he had to write a letter to Rossi but he wanted to. It wasn’t to explain himself but to thank the man who was more of a father to him than anyone else in his life. Tara would understand too, ever rational and empathetic as she was.

Matt had always had a sense of duty as much as he had a family who were impacted by that. He was the one Spencer knew least and he struggled to make the letter personal. For Luke it wasn’t a goodbye. More than anyone else he held on to connections from the old days. He would always be just a phone call away if Spencer or Emily needed him.

JJ was the one he wasn’t sure he could explain himself to. For the longest time Spencer had been convinced that she was the only one who knew the secret to balancing all and keeping all the demons at bay. Watching her was like watching a real life superhero without the cape. It had been devastating for Spencer to realise that wasn’t real but not half as devastating as it had been for JJ. If there was any guilt to be felt it was at leaving her behind. No one else would think to ask her what was wrong; no one else would see the cracks in the almost perfect façade.

Perhaps he wasn’t giving them enough credit? It wasn’t like the old days, the days of Hankel and Foyet. They took care of each other better now.

“Have you been writing those all night?” Emily’s voice was a croak but it cut through the silence enough to make Spencer jump. A few pale streaks of light had begun to push through the gaps in the curtain.

“Yeah” Spencer knew there was no point in lying, “I needed to get it all down”

Emily nodded. For a moment they sat in silence, too tired to vocalise the grief they were both feeling.

“I’m treating you to breakfast” Spencer declared finally, “Let’s go”

“Will anywhere be open yet?”

“There’s a café down the road that opens at 6am everyday with the greatest fresh baked pastries you have ever tasted”

He held out a hand for her to take and when she did Spencer brushed his lips against her knuckles in a silent promise. In the end they would be okay because they had each other.


End file.
